Abstract
Social media as a whole is too broad to label as “good” or “bad” for family connections. The effects of social media depend more on the activities, intent, and family environments of its users. Inward-focused intentions and activities are more habit-forming and drive disconnection. Outward-focused intentions connect people and families. An example of distant relatives connecting and bonding through a project on Facebook is explored. The effect of family environment on social media impact is also explored, with a focus on the marriage relationship, parenting, and teenagers. These platforms can have negative effects on families if members use it in inward-focused and habit-building ways. Keeping its use in moderation and connecting without it keeps it from becoming too negative of an influence. Instead of discarding social media, families can change the way they use it to connect better with each other.
Keywords: social media, family, relationships
Social Media and the Family
If a survey asked anyone whether books are good or bad for families, many would likely not know how to respond. If asked about the familial morals of the telephone, confusion would increase. If it were to question whether social media is good or bad for families, the responses would be quicker and surer. Some advocate for the blessing that social media can be in connecting people. Others focus on the disconnection and self-centeredness such websites promote. However, social media is a communication tool, much like books and telephones. It has no mind of its own, so it cannot be good or bad.
Many might still argue that whether social media is “good” or “bad” of its own accord is irrelevant: it still disconnects family members, and they believe the bad outweighs the good. Yet many people have found connections and strengthened relationships using social media. While parents battle with disconnected teenagers and relatives find support through pandemics, the focus on the media itself may be displaced. Whether the good outweighs the bad depends less on the nature of social media and more on the individual activities and family environments of its users.
Conflicting Literature: The Negatives
As social media use has increased over the past decade and a half, concerns about its effects on individuals and families have taken root. However, while the literature on social media has exploded, there is not nearly as much research on its impact on family interactions (Dworkin et al., 2018). This leaves much interpretation up to preconceived notions rather than thorough study. The existing research shows that negative social media correlates to social comparison for young mothers (McDaniel et al., 2011), lack of connection with young children (McDaniel, 2019), negative parent-child relationships with teenagers (Sampasa-Kanyinga et al., 2019), and separation between spouses. This lack of connection leads to more stress and irritation with family members and may even result in harsher parenting (McDaniel, 2019). Looking at the evidence, it seems that social media has inflicted more harm than good on families.
Conflicting Literature: The Positives
However, a few other studies point to the good that social media can do. Some suggest that using social media together can increase family identity and provide opportunities for members to demonstrate trust (Winstone et al., 2021). A review of the literature by other researchers found that social media complements, rather than replaces, in-person interaction between family members (Dworkin et al., 2018). The good social media has on connecting extended families is well-known (Winstone et al., 2021; Dworkin et al., 2018). These networks can provide support groups to decrease the negative impact of stress.
Thus, the great social media debate continues. Does social media erode family connections, or does it strengthen family bonds? The truth is more complicated than the question suggests because much depends on the social media activity and the family environment outside the screen. Social media itself is not good or bad. These platforms are “simply tools that amplify the choices we make” (Jensen, 2012, pg. 3).
Inward- or Outward-Focused Use
The intentions of social media users determine their activities. These intentions can go in two directions: focused inward and focused outward (Jensen, 2012). Inward focus includes any media intentions that discourage conversation, only consume media, and relieve boredom. Outward-focused social media use includes active conversations, self-expression, and connecting with groups on or off the screen.
Inward-focused intentions are destructive to relationships because they separate individuals (Jensen, 2012). For example, many experts warn against passive consumption of media, when no connection or communication happens (Jensen, 2012; Winstone et al., 2021). This is often seen as mindless scrolling through the home feed. When social media use discourages conversation, focuses inward instead of outward, or forms habits without purpose, the impact is negative.
Outward-focused intentions build relationships and bring people closer, especially family members. Whether chatting online with extended family or using social media in person with parents, spouses, or siblings, using social media with another person increases connection. People who tend towards human connection are more likely to use social media positively. Strong family connections can keep these media use intentions at bay and protect against the more negative effects of social media.
Social Media Activities
Some activities help connect families, and some are harmful. The helpful activities are those done to connect and communicate. These usually include creating posts, commenting and sharing, interacting with groups and pages, or using social media with another person.
One example of how some social media activities can do much good for connecting families comes from a genealogist. Zach Matthews is a family history expert. He focuses on using new technologies, including social media, to make connecting generations of families easier. He shares the story of his grandmother, whose extensive research had caught the eye of a distant relative. This relative had started a Facebook page for her extended family from multiple states and England. Members shared old photos and stories of their ancestors, and this common thread connected them in a way that wouldn’t have been possible in person. The Facebook page became a source of unity, love, and even healing for these family relationships. This social media activity connected his family tree both horizontally and vertically.
Effects of Family Environment
In addition to the intentions of the users, family environment determines much of the potential impacts of social media. In fact, the family environment may influence social media use as much or more than the reverse. For the purposed of this article, “environment” refers to the screen includes the life stages and the relationship dynamics of family members. Both play a role in how social media connects families. The family dynamic in particular impacts the environment tremendously.
Social Media and Marriage
One example is dynamics within the marriage relationship. Social media used to communicate can increase romance, marital connection, and satisfaction (Arikewuyo et al., 2021). Platforms provide opportunities for “enhanced and effective communication patterns throughout the relationship” (Arikewuyo et al., 2021, pg. 8). These communications could include Facebook messaging, tagging each other in photos, and expressing appreciation publicly on a variety of platforms.
One study found that social media strengthens the marriage relationship most when spouses use social media to both communicate and express love to and for each other. One example may be a Facebook post of appreciation on a spouse’s birthday or anniversary. When this love was expressed over multiple platforms, the positive effects increased (Arikewuyo et al., 2021).
Of course, when social media use led to distraction, feelings of jealousy, and infidelity, these platforms undermined the relationship. However, most loving couples should be able to communicate and find their happy place with social media by setting boundaries and expectations (Arikewuyo et al., 2021). Then they may experience the benefits of social media use that far outweigh the potential drawbacks to the relationship.
Social Media and Parenting
In married relationships, the activity and intent of social media users drive positive or negative impacts. However, when children enter the relationship, the environment may take a bigger role. Parents who are in an environment of boredom, stress, or loneliness might be more drawn to social media while caring for children at home. Instead of improving parents’ or caretakers’ moods, this use may make them feel worse, leading to a cycle of more negative social media use (McDaniel, 2019). As the resulting extensive phone use builds upon an already negative environment, opportunities for positive connections with children diminish.
For example, when a young child is playing, it may not matter in their eyes whether their parent is chatting with a friend (active, outward-focused social media use) or mindlessly scrolling (passive, inward-focused use). In both cases, the social media activity distracts from the child. This could lead to children misbehaving to get the parent’s attention. In return, parents who are using social media while watching children often become more frustrated when interrupted by misbehavior. The result is both lax parenting and harsher reactions (McDaniel, 2019).
Positives in Parenting
This does not mean that social media use as a parent is always negative. As children join the family, the dynamic changes. Therefore, role of social media may need to change as well to work with the new environment. As long as social media does not displace the time and attention parents give to children, it can be a positive parental resource. Social media provides a place for parents to vent and receive support, get ideas for activities, and connect to people other than toddlers for a short time.
Such constructive social media use can benefit new young mothers in particular. These women who have recently plunged into the world of feeding schedules, bottles, and diapers need extra support but are often home alone with a newborn. In one study, those who used social media to communicate with others experienced more connection, greater social support, and better well-being. Social media provided a way for them to communicate with extended family as they are thrust into this new world. This decreased the feelings of loneliness that are common in those first few months. This happier, less stressed mother has an impact on the whole family, even increasing marital satisfaction and positive child outcomes. Thus, the whole family benefits when one member uses social media in positive, connecting ways (McDaniel et al. 2011).
Social Media and Teenagers
As children grow into adolescence, the family dynamics change again. Along with this change, social media use often increases as teenagers receive cell phones and create their own social accounts. This has the potential to either increase the strain on family relationships or build connection and trust.
Teenagers are a unique group for two reasons. The first is because they have limited control over their environment. Teenagers are given a very specific set of expectations with obvious consequences. Though the environment differs from family to family, it is generally controlled by their parents and their schools, not by them. This limited-control environment plays a crucial role in how social media affects their relationships with others.
The second aspect of teenagers that differs from other groups is the amount of criticism they receive for their use of social media. Much of what is written about teenagers and social media is negative, but this hasn’t made a large difference in their use. This point is more interesting when one considers that they receive such criticism even with the limited control they have over their environment.
Such criticism often focuses on teenagers’ relationships with their parents. This focus may be unfair to adolescents and paint an unclear picture of how social media affects the whole family, but it is understandable. Teenagers are notoriously “always” on their phones or obsessed with their online personas. However, studies show that this opinion may be inaccurate.
A Different Perspective
One group of researchers interviewed youth to better understand the impacts social media has had on their family relationships, and the results give grace to the youth. Strong families where parents provided opportunities for trust, guidance, and an acknowledgment of the role of social media saw an increase in connection and communication between the parents and the teenagers. However, the quality of the relationship deteriorated when parents were extremely negative towards technology, untrusting of their children, and unspecific in technology guidelines (e.g., telling kids they spend too much time on social media without telling them how much time is appropriate). Youth who didn’t feel trusted were more likely to keep secrets and end up in harmful online situations. This research indicates that when parents set an atmosphere of safety and communication, teenagers respond positively, and family connections are strengthened (Winstone et al., 2021).
Parents have much more power to create a positive environment for social media than they realize. Parents who provide a measure of external control, such as through set rules for Internet-use, may help teenagers learn to develop self-control. Modeling good social media use by not letting their phones distract them from their children is also correlated with lower chances of problematic social media use. (Geurts et al., 2022). By reshaping the environment, parents create opportunities for social media to impact their family’s overall connection positively.
Weighing the Consequences
All of this is not to say that social media can’t have negative effects on connected families. Social media can have real negative consequences. While it may not be the cause of disconnected families, social media use can keep families disconnected. As mentioned above, social media is often used as an escape from awkward or lonely moments in family relationships. Social media use in these situations can lead to a separation of spouses, lax or overreactive parenting, and more child accidents.
If social media was not an option, these families would have to find other ways to entertain themselves or overcome the awkwardness. This could lead to more conversation, finding things to do together, and getting creative in spending family time. While social media may not lead to families who don’t communicate, occasionally and intentionally communicating without social media could lead to greater connection and avoid further negative consequences. This solution can help families that are already connected, but it is especially healing to those that struggle with the negative impacts of social media.
The Conclusion: You Decide
So, the answer to whether social media connects or harms families is not as straightforward as it may seem. The nature of social media itself is to change according to what the user does with it, and its impact on the family is the same. The benefits of these platforms can outweigh the negatives if the users choose. That relationship can become negative if family members use it in negative ways and environments. Family members get to decide through their own activities, intentions, and environments, whether to connect or disconnect. The question should not be how social media changes family connections. Instead, families should ask how they can change their social media use to connect with their family.
References
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